Become aware of how you speak to yourself about confidence, frame it as a skill in action, not a state. Confidence is not a state of mind.
You’re not going to be able to motivationally quote yourself to be more confident. It’s about the action steps you take. And becauseyou made that phone call, you feel more confident because you
spoke to that person. Because you put your running shoes on, you stepped out the door to go for a walk, you feel better.
Remember everything you’re doing here, around your self-limiting beliefs is what you want to be thinking about. How you frame them and put them into action states, rather than states of mind.
For example, jumping, changing your posture and breathing can change your state. The thing is, when most of us get down or sad, we fail to change our physical state. We keep our body language
down rather than thinking about what actions I need to take right now to change my state.
For example, going for a walk, or changing your breathing pattern and looking up rather than looking down will change your state. Therefore, changing your body can make you more effective, more confident, more powerful.
There are four qualities to being more confident and creating more confidence. You want to realize that one, everybody is faking it. If you’re aware that everyone is faking it, you don’t have to
worry. No one is just born confident. Therefore, if no one is born confident it means that confidence can be created.
Everyone has a skill set, such as an action, behavior, and habit pattern that supports them in appearing confident to others. This is why you need to find what works for you. Just because it works for someone else does not mean it will work for you. You can start by mirroring others, but at some point, you need to master it and make it your own behavioral pattern that can turn on at any point
If you watch any professional performers, athletes, dancers, or musicians they all have a routine they perform. This routine helps them prepare mentally and physically for the activities they are
about to do. You will notice they jump up and down, they stretch, they breathe deep, they listen to certain music to prepare themselves.
Therefore, my question to you is what do you do at various times hroughout the day to enhance your performance?
Become very clear about setting the expectation towards positive outcomes. A lot of us will approach a situation and think about what happened in the past and how it didn’t work in the past. Or how this happened in the past. And as a result, you’re using that and you’re putting that as a framework in the future. And that’s just a repeating pattern.
For the longest time I would set big goals but frame them with pessimistic filter. I would expect failure and focus on the mistakes. Rather than focusing on the positive outcome I really wanted. The
faster you can become aware of what your focusing on the faster you will create change.
Success Secret: Don’t Repeat Past Failure Patterns! Learn from your past and design a framework for success and execute that pattern focused on success. You can be aware and prepared for challenges or obstacles but they should not be your core focus. Your core focus needs to be the end result that you want to achieve.
You want to be very clear on the setting, like, what you focus on is what you get.
Therefore, you want to be focusing on how you create the pattern or the habit you want?
If you want a successful outcome, what would that successful outcome be?
Get clear on what it would look like, feel like, how would you experience this outline?
How can you use your Present Butler to support your future success?
Who do you have to be to create a successful outcome?
What are the micro-actions of creating that successful outcome?
At what point have you collapsed in the past in your framing? If you’ve collapsed in the past, how can you identify the point when you’ve collapsed in the past? How do you interrupt the pattern? This
is about identifying your villains and removing their power.
In most cases, the worst-case scenario is what we’re scared about. The thought of the worst-case scenario is causing self-limiting beliefs and subconscious patterns to trigger. Therefore we need to
remove the power and focus from these thoughts. Most of the time the worst-case scenario is no big deal it’s related to thoughts of shame.
When you think about a worst-case scenario, I’m not going to close the deal. I’m not gonna be able to pay the rent and might be evicted. Okay, that’s not such a big deal. I’ve got options. I can do this. I can live in my car. I can go make some money this way.
There are always options if you are willing to see them. When you listed out all the things that you’re scared of. You can realize how the negative framing of these thoughts has been robbing you of
Socrates called this the premortem. Analyzing a situation ahead of time to determine the cause of death. Analyzing all the things that could go wrong, to allow you to create options to overcome
these points of failure.
Thinking through your worst case scenarios ahead of time you’ll realize they are no longer scary. You’ve removed the fear from a lot of your self-limiting beliefs. You’ll get aware of the negative
self-talk you go through and the fears you’ve got. You’ll also know what to do if and why that certain situation presents itself.
Salespeople put a lot of pressure on themselves. Specifically if you are rewarded through commission based sales. If I don’t make this sale:
- I’m going to be hungry.
- I’m going to disappoint my family.
- I may disappoint my wife.
- My parents will be disappointed.
All of these thoughts become additional pressure that applies a “neediness” on your sales presentation. I get it if these thoughts or feelings are real for you at this moment. But do you want to be paying the price of these thoughts also sabotaging your sales as well?
This neediness is felt at the gut level by anyone you are speaking with. Forcing them to question if they should, or can work with you.
Remember quality questions impact your life.
Therefore a better question would be how can I present massive value to this client to win this deal? It really helps if you understand their personality style and can personalize your message to match
the needs of their personality.
If you can remove the pressure from having to win this one deal because you have 5 more leads to speak with. You’ll remove the desperation from your communication. Asking questions like “how can I create five more leads or five more clients?” is a far better result to focus on.
When sales are no longer as important or so required that I needit. If you can remove that need and the necessity from it, it changes the game completely. You’ll appear as being more confident when you know that your pipeline is full.
That’s one of the best things you can do in sales. Certainly of a full pipeline, appointments coming through. I have three to five appointments every single day with clients. When I go and talk to a client, I’m no longer desperate, hungry, or needy about it. If one of them doesn’t show up, I’m like, okay, great, I’ll put you in a follow-up sequence and my assistant takes care of the rest. And then if they come back into my calendar, that’s when I worry about it.
All because I focused on solving the bigger problem. How do I get booked solid and have people wanting to do business with me?
How do I sell multiple deals at once rather than just one at a time?
I can’t worry about every lead that didn’t show up. I can’t take it personally. Because taking it personally is not facilitating a bigger win. And it’s focusing me on a negative downward spiral rather
than focusing on the big thing.
If you aren’t building your own list, running a podcast, getting interviewed on podcasts, radio, TV, or publishing a book. You’re missing out on opportunities to improve your brand.
Look if you are committed to getting results you’ll work it out. Taking small action every day is what it takes to get big results. For example I gave my team a challenge of how to get booked on
100 podcasts within 30 days. Therefore we no longer asked questions about booking 1 podcast at a time. But how do we book multiple podcasts each day?
One of the other things is you want to be aware that with your beliefs, your appearance matters a lot. And the world is a very, very shallow place.
So you really want to be thinking about your appearance. If you’re clean. There are actually studies on having a shower every single day will actually change how you feel about yourself. And therefore, how you feel about yourself is about how you project to the world and how the world receives you.
So one of the things you want to think about, hygiene is key.
Have you ever gone through the day and realized you haven’t brushed your teeth?
The thing is, you feel dirty because you haven’t brushed your teeth. And as a result, you start putting out that subconscious energy of I’m contagious or I’m dirty. When that’s not the case, you just haven’t brushed your teeth. You start rubbing your teeth with your tongue and others subconsciously notice this.
Remember the body is ALWAYS communicating it’s true intention.
So if you can go brush your teeth, you can transform and fix that behavior. Remember, you’ve been the butler to your future success.
Appearance really matters. And what you present is really powerful.
There are several stages you want to be aware of when it comes to creating confidence and creating your beliefs. There’s impulsivity or scarcity, which is time, resources, and life.
One of the things you want to be thinking about is how time pressures are being used to create your limiting belief. Or help you destroy a limiting belief. Because if you can realize that, that time
pressure doesn’t exist. I do have time.
“I don’t have to make this purchase by five o’clock today”.
Because what’s going to happen? Are they going to remove it?
Well, if they’re going to take away the deal by five o’clock today?
Do I really want to move forward with it?
If I can’t work out how to create an ROI from it, then is it really needed?
And there’s openness. Like are they truly open to receiving that connection?
- Do you have a connection with people?
- Are you creating enough connections that there’s excitement?
- What’s the level of excitement you have?
- There’s lust, there’s agreement, there’s victim siding, and there’s aggression. And it’s these stages that people put themselves in which can actually impact their confidence. Impact the beliefs they have and how they’re respondingto them.
Have you ever got home, and then thought about “how did I get home?”
That’s behavior autopilot when your are thinking about something else and you can still perform. This could be driving, walking or really doing anything you’ve done more than once.
This behavior autopilot is also called “scripts”. Think of these scripts as the computer programs what run humans.
Here is another one.
I used to exercise in the morning, and when I would walk past someone I would say “Good morning.” But when I travel I might only get time to walk in the evening. So what ends up happening
is as I walk past people I still say “Good morning.” Even though it is no longer morning.
These scripts are everywhere and most people are living their life according to a script. When you pay attention to a script you can predict what will happen next.
This is also why I started this book talking about focus. Because if you can’t captivate focus you can awaken people from their autopilot subconscious state of being.
We all wake up to a certain script which means we went to bed with a certain program or habit structure.
Think of a script as your programming or your habit structure. We went to bed with a habit structure on how we got to bed.
- What do we do to go to bed?
- Did you put a glass of water beside you when you went to bed?
- Did you put a glass out for when you wake up in the morning to fill it up with cold water?
- Did you put electrolytes in it to make you feel hydrated?
- Did you preload the coffee so the coffee’s ready to go?
- Is your coffee mug beside the coffee machine?
- Your shoes tied or not tied?
If you know these scripts, you can also attach additional scripts that help you create tiny wins as part of your butler persona. One of the big scripts you need to be aware of is what is running in your life. Be aware of the scripts that are running your life right now.
How do you fix it?
How do you remove them from your life?
And how do you replace them with positive ones?
For example, these little scripts I do when I go and touch the kettle. I hit the button on the kettle and the kettle is on, do one pushup. You may laugh but it’s one push-up. I have set up scripts to take the dog for a walk and when I do, I leave the phone here so I can disconnect and create some peace in myself and do some breathing and focus on myself.
These scripts that you put in place to support you and help you destroy your self-limiting beliefs. Because, when you become aware of the beliefs that you actually have. You can now take action and do something about it. Hopefully, that helps you think about your level of confidence, your level of approach, and what you can be doing to help get greater confidence and to become that butler to yourself to help you create the life that you want.
Please post your comments and ideas below. The more you share your ideas and the insights you learned from this book, the faster you will master it.